Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Odd random freak out

As I was sitting here lamenting my THIRD virus in this pregnancy, when I had none in Elisa's and ended up with the thought that maybe I'm sicker this time because I'm going to go longer and get that term, take home baby.

And then it hit me. A term, take home baby. What does that mean? I get thrown this little being after 3 days in a hospital and told good luck and don't let the door hit you on the way out. What do I do with a term baby?

Sounds really odd doesn't it? It's not like I'm a first time mom. I mean this IS my second child. But my first child...I had 6 weeks to get to know her and the way she dealt with things and how to care with her before she was handed to me and sent on our merry way. I knew her, her cycle, her indicators. I'd been given a 6 week course on what to look for in order to know what she needed.

I won't get that with a term baby and it's TERRIFYING. Now, this doesn't mean I don't want a term baby, it just suddenly hit me that, in this, it's like I AM a first time mom. I know I'll do fine and my instincts will kick in and I'll learn this baby soon enough. I did get a great education in newborns with Elisa. I figured it out with her. Found my way. I will again. It was just a bit of an odd revelation, that sudden fear of what do I do with such a little one.

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