Monday, April 28, 2008


Ever have one of those days that make you just wish you could crawl back into bed and not ever get up? Ever wish you could just snap your fingers and everything would just be better?

I'm going through one of those moments, well it's been longer than just a moment. I do know that your attitude can make all the difference in the world when you are in an unhappy situation. The problem is, I don't know how to change my attitude. It's like I am completely incapable of reversing my thought process regarding this situation. And all I want to do is scream and just give up. But unfortunately for me, I'm a fighter, and I can't just give up. Even when every fiber of my being says to just throw in the towel. I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling so helpless. I hate feeling so confused.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Rambling thoughts while on a plane

I know the following post is going to break all the rules of blogging, but oh well. I just sort of let my mind and thoughts go as I was flying home yesterday from the Exponential Conference. I learned a lot that I am excited about putting into action. Well, here are my thoughts:

I am not really sure what I am writing for or about. I just know that I feel like writing. Unusual, huh? It's been said that I do it well. I pray that it is true, as I want to be able to use it to further God's kingdom.

I wrote in an earlier post about who I am. I realize now that it really was misnamed, as it really focused on whose I am. I See that know. I know beyond a doubt whose I am, I have yet to discover who I am.

I just finished attending the Exponential Conference and even though I was rather disappointed in the closing, I learned a lot. And I was excited several times about what is to come, and the role that I may ply in it. I was also surprised to find that the excitement came, not in the music possibilities it may present me, but in the written and communication challenges that may be to come. I find myself excited about the possibility of entering the world and searching for those in need of Christ. I am excited about being truly free to be who I am in Christ and to show the world who does not know him, that it is ok to be you! And be Christian! Do I have to still die to self? Yes! Yes, I do, but in dying to self I am dying to my wants! To my plan, my design for my life. But not to who I am, to my passions, to my strengths, to my personality, to my interests. See, that is the fundamental difference. I am not loosing myself at all, but I am loosing the unhealthy and very human desires of following the crowd!! Of following money, of following things, of following careers. See non of that matters, truly. Who cares if I am the CEO of a company with gobs of money and a fancy car and the biggest house in town! or if I live in a small shack, working for the smallest of incomes and can barely get by? God loves me the same. Christ died for me still! God raised Him from the dead so that I might live. Don't you see? All of that really doesn't matter! I don't care any more if I become the biggest thing out there. I just care that I live my life to the fullest by fulfilling God's purpose for my life.

Now I'm not entirely sure what His purpose is for me, but I am sure that I will find out as I move down this path. I will fail along the way. Many times, I'm sure. But do I care? No. God loves me despite my failures.

Thank you Lord, that I do not need to live up to societies standards to be accepted by you.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Who am I?

So who am I? This is a question that I have long struggled with. So here is what I know.

1. I am a child of God.
2. I am a wife
3. I am a child of human parents
4. I am a sister
5. I am a musician

The central idea in my life, the central belief I have, is that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, that he died and rose for my sins, and through the Grace of God I am assured of ever lasting life.

Maybe I don't tell you enough. Maybe I'll offend you for saying it. The fact is I don't know how to say it. I believe and pray that through the relationship you have with me, you will see it. And hopefully you will ask. If you have ever wondered, now you know. What keeps me going in this life is the knowledge that God loved me enough to do for me. That He would rather die than to ever live without me. All that I am, all that I do, is defined by this knowledge.

What is my point in posting this now? I don't know. Does it really matter? I guess I just felt like saying it.

Love you all.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Interview 1 down! And audition?!?!

So Andrew had his preliminary interview today. It really was just about 30 minutes long, and they asked him pretty standard questions, like what new educational trend would you implement in your classroom, and the like. According to Andrew it went, "Ok." And coming from him, that's a pretty glowing report, lol! It means good stuff! So now we are just waiting to hear back. I guess the next step is that they will put his answers into a database and as principals find or have open positions, they browse this database and look for matches. So hopefully we should be getting a call, although they did say that nothing would come really until the end of April. So thank you for your prayers for him today! We are looking forward to the next steps on this process and are very excited to see where this will go.

Now, my news? I'm terrified out of my mind! We recently completed a Bible study based off of the book by Erwin McManus, Chasing Daylight. And Chasing Daylight studies one section of Jonathan's life, particularly the time when he goes in to fight the Philestines with just himself and his armor bearer. And the whole concept is to seize your divine moment and step out in faith. If you hear God telling you, or just think this is where God wants you to go, go try it and see where it takes you. You may fail, you may be wrong, but at least you did SOMETHING to try to further God's will. So I am stepping out in faith. As many of you may know, I have a passion for singing. I've sang in the contemporary group at my church for the last 3 or so years now, and have sang chorally and in solos from the time I was in the 4th grade. So it's something I've been doing for years and just love it. I can't imagine my life now without somehow being involved in some sort of music ministry. Soooo, the other day I was sent a posting on Craigslist, looking for a female Christian vocalist and I applied. YIKES. This person is looking for a lead female vocalist to sing some of his songs he wrote personally for a few gigs that he has coming up throughout Kansas City, and even one in Iowa. I am one of 4 people he is meeting with. And let me tell you, I am shaking in my boots. I have no real nervousness anymore singing in front of my small congregation, I'm used to them, I know them. I also get a strong sense of comfort from working with the group that I always sing with. We know each other pretty well and support each other and we all think the other is talented, etc. So now I'm stepping out into territory I have not charted since high school. All I can say is AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Ok hopefully that will take my nervousness out, lol! So please pray for me tomorrow that I have confidence and sing with the knowledge that I can do this, and that God will be with me and give me His strength. I think I'm more afraid that I'll actually get chosen and will have to sing in front of a wider audience than I'm used to, lol!

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Teaching update and other stuff

So! I finally have something to report. Are you surprised? Since we have like no life at all, I'm surprised I ever find anything to post on this! :-D However, it is exciting times in our household! Andrew is finishing his student teaching this week and has begun looking for that hard earned and sought after teaching position. And so far, he's put in one application. And so far he's received one interview request! We are so excited! He's been working on several other applications to other school districts, but it's just so exciting that the first one he put in he gets a call on! So on Monday, we need all of your prayers as he goes in for the preliminary interview. I'm sure they must have several different interviews before you are finally offered a contract, however, we are well on the way to that! Kudos to Andrew! Three cheers and all that lot! :)

So if you've been reading this from the beginning, you are well aware that we sadly suffered a miscarriage last July. And the sad thing is had I carried to term, we would have had a less than a month old baby at this point in our lives. I must say this, that I never thought it would be this hard. I mean honestly, I'm a strong person and things that should affect me, well I get over it quickly. But for some reason, I'm just not able to deal with this. So I also ask for your prayers that I come to terms with this.

Other than this, all I can say is bring on Friday and the weekend. If I'm ready for anything, it's that!

Love to you all!