Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Hotel? Or Hospital?

Two different things, right?

Well, I guess it depends on if you are in my head right now. All day today I've had the hardest time writing or even saying the word hotel. It always starts to come out as hospital.

How many times a day do you say the word hotel anyway? That shouldn't be a hard thing, right?

When it's September...a lot in my world. Hotel and the thought of and working with is a BIG part of my life. So it's quite frustrating to be trying to say hotel and instead hospital comes out.

You may be wondering WHY hospital is now hotel in my mind. Let's think about this for a little bit.

I am 25 weeks 5 days. At 26 weeks 3 days, 2 years ago, I took a trip. I intended to go to a hotel. I landed, instead, in a hospital. And I didn't leave. For 3 weeks. I certainly didn't leave after three weeks with my baby.

So needless to say, this frustrating mix up in my brain is nothing more than my subconscious self constantly reminding me just exactly WHERE I am in this pregnancy. Just 7 short days from the beginning of the end, at least that's where it was with my last one. Sunday is milestone #1.

Now, I think I've been doing ok really with the whole thing. I have started to really BELIEVE that I will come home with a termie in December. The contractions have slowed way down since I've gotten past both of these virus' and since I've been sleeping better. What contractions I did have didn't change the cervix. I've not felt the same pain I had at this point with Elisa. I have a MUCH more active baby. I have the nursery done. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. And neither is this baby. I know I can call my doctor with any concern and she will have me head right in as she's learned I know my body pretty well and when something isn't right.

Doesn't stop the random, and ever more frequent, flashbacks. Coming up in the most random of times. Sometimes I'm convinced I'm really in the hospital in Arizona. And not laying in my own bed in my own home. Sometimes I wake up in the morning, expecting the 4th year med student to be knocking on my door to check my reflexes. Or sometimes I look for the call button for the nurse so I can get my monitoring over with so I can fall asleep.

I'll look around me and I'll be sitting in my house, but I don't see my house. I see my hospital room. I get up to go somewhere and am somewhat surprised that I don't have to disconnect any monitors. I leave the house and wonder am I really allowed to be doing this?

It's odd, this feeling.


Anonymous said...

We love you! and are glad you aren't here because I still remember that night in the hospital with you too! And, I'm so thankful it didn't turn out the way that Doc said it might.


Anonymous said...

((HUGS)) You are doing amazing! Can't wait for you to get past this point in your pregnancy! I can't imagine how hard its gotta be! Gotta love those freudian slips! ;)

Love ya!

(Posted by Ashley - Blogger lost your comment, Ashley! :()