18 weeks

Head to rump, your baby is about 5 1/2 inches long (about the length of a bell pepper) and he weighs almost 7 ounces. He's busy flexing his arms and legs — movements that you'll start noticing more and more in the weeks ahead. His blood vessels are visible through his thin skin, and his ears are now in their final position, although they're still standing out from his head a bit. A protective covering of myelin is beginning to form around his nerves, a process that will continue for a year after he's born. If you're having a girl, her uterus and fallopian tubes are formed and in place. If you're having a boy, his genitals are noticeable now, but he may hide them from you during an ultrasound.

And our "big" ultrasound is next Tuesday! Part of me can't wait. The other part can't figure itself out yet lol. But baby is still baking away well. The virus I had last week caused me to lose 3 lbs in a week, which when you are underweight to begin with and supposed to consistently gain during a pregnancy was concerning. To me anyway. Doctor's weren't when I had my check up only because even with the loss, I have gained 8 lbs in all and they consider that pretty good for 18 weeks into the pregnancy. Besides. I FEEL bigger.



But alas, I'm not. Oh well. There are 22 more weeks to get "bigger" and I plan on using every single one of them.

Elisa is very excited for her big girl room. She loves the paint color. Can't wait to put it all back together and get the finishing touches on it. I hope to have her start napping in there starting in August and by the time she's 2 have her sleeping overnight in there. That gives her two months to get used to the new room as her room before this new little one makes their appearance.

Wordless Wednesday

Phase 1 of the big girl room complete!

Type A ACK

The planner in me is having a kineption (sp?) fit.

Why you ask?

Because I can't plan a DARNED THING with this pregnancy. I was just sitting here winding down for bed and mentally writing my blog to Elisa for the night before the new baby arrives. When I realized...do I really know what night that is? Let's be real here. With my history it could be December. Or it could be September. Or anytime in between.

I am thinking of throwing Elisa a 2 year old party on her ACTUAL 2 year birthday. But I'll be 31 weeks 1 day on that day. I keep holding off because what if I have a baby in the NICU at that point? Or on bed rest? Can I really fathom holding a party for her? I don't want to plan it and then have to cancel it.

Granted life is only able to be planned so much. Things always crop up. You work around them. You move on. But I feel like I'm paralyzed. I think of these things that I would like to do to make the time special, but I'm afraid to do them for in case everything goes wrong. And then I'm left again on the other side, watching a baby in an isolette, dreaming of what could have, should have been.

For the most part I feel like I'm just existing at the moment with this pregnancy. Just taking it day by day. The "big" ultrasound is coming up next Tuesday. I keep forgetting. It doesn't hold the thrill for me this time like it did before. Not that I'm not excited to see this little one. I am. Maybe I'm just afraid of getting "attached?"

17 weeks 4 days and counting.

Sometimes

All we need is a mommy hug.

Elisa came home yesterday for the first time since Wednesday. She was VERY happy to be home and once she walked into the room where I was, she found me on the couch and asked to be "up." She then snuggled down on my shoulder and laid there for a good five minutes. She just wanted a mommy hug.

And again, this morning, the thunderstorm woke her up so she got some extra time sleeping with us in bed. She was fighting going back to sleep and I was laying with my back to her when I suddenly feel her little hand on my arm, trying to lift it up. So I lean back and lift my arm up and down her head goes on my shoulder where she settles in and snoozes for about 10 minutes.

She may no longer want to cuddle herself to sleep with me, she may have turned into a total daddy's girl, but it's moments like these when I know she does still love me. And so I'll soak up as many mommy hugs as she wants.

17 weeks

And still with the tummy bug!

Yeah, so I thought I'd miss out on it since both Elisa and Andrew came down with it on the same day last week. Not my luck. Not only did I come down with it, but I came down with a WORSE case of it than those two had. Started to fear I'd end up with IV fluids, but thankfully with the help of some zofran I started keeping food down and was able to gain enough liquids to stave off dehydration. I do think I've lost some weight though. The belly seems smaller than it did a week ago. Baby is fine though and I can feel the buggar kicking a lot at night. Loving it really. Didn't really get that sensation with Elisa.

So Elisa has been staying with Grandma for the last few days thanks to my bug and Andrew getting a seriously infected tooth. She's been making her presence known. Showing off her new skills.



Yup, she's learned how to turn on the dishwasher. She likes to randomly turn it on, then looks at us and claps her hands as if she's done something good. It's too cute but trying to teach her the appropriate times that she can and when she can't lol. She also likes to help "unload" the dishwasher. This is great, when the dishes are clean. But she doesn't quite understand the difference between the dirty dishes and clean dishes.

And onto the new little one. Yesterday, we were 17 weeks along. I am feeling very regular movements (yay!) one kick that was so strong it scared me lol. Here is the update on development:

Your baby's skeleton is changing from soft cartilage to bone, and the umbilical cord — her lifeline to the placenta — is growing stronger and thicker. Your baby weighs 5 ounces now (about as much as a turnip), and she's around 5 inches long from head to bottom. She can move her joints, and her sweat glands are starting to develop.



23 more weeks to go! Shots are getting a little better I think. Hard to tell when the same day I got the shot was the same day the virus hit me hard.

Family photos

As a part of my birthday gift, my mom arranged for a good family friend to take some photos of the three of us, and we just have to pick one that she will blow up and get printed and framed for us. Below are the unedited photos, I just have to figure out which one to pick. I love elements of them all, and that means I can't pick a favorite. I'd love to know which one you like the best! If you could comment and say it could really help me narrow it down so I can edit as appropriate as I'm just too lazy to do them all. :)


#1


#2


#3


#4


#5


#6


#7


#8


#9


So far #5 is winning on facebook. What's your choice??

16 weeks & tummy bug?

Another week down, another shot down. And yes, I did again experience dizziness, confusion and exhaustion immediately following and for most of the rest of the day. Dehydration? Impossible. I've drank pretty close to a gallon of water a day since they told me last week the symptoms were from dehydration. So after complaining about it again, a preemie mom friend of mine googled and let's just see what she found:


http://www.livestrong.com/article/240436-progesterone-supplement-side-effects/

Most interesting was the 4th paragraph.

"Central Nervous System Side Effects

Headaches affect around 31 percent of women taking progesterone supplements, and dizziness affects 15 percent of women. Progesterone can cause tiredness or severe drowsiness. Progesterone can act like a brain anesthetic, producing sedating and hypnotic effects, according to Women's Health Resource. In high doses, progesterone can reduce epileptic seizures and reduce preterm labor, Mood swings, irritability, anxiety, forgetfulness and impaired concentration and insomnia can also occur."

Really? Dizziness affects 15%? Mood swings? Irritability? Anxiety? Impaired concentration? Insomnia? Hello, you should put my photo next to this. Ever since I received that first shot, I've noticed the insomnia, irritability. Increased anxiety (ie FLASHBACKS). Headaches.

There are more side effects but these really are the main ones I've been dealing with. Just cracked me up, I don't think the nurse I called actually even really asked. They just assumed the symptoms were dehydration. The good news is that these will fade as my body gets used to the increased hormone.

Here's the 16 week update:
Get ready for a growth spurt. In the next few weeks, your baby will double his weight and add inches to his length. Right now, he's about the size of an avocado: 4 1/2 inches long (head to rump) and 3 1/2 ounces. His legs are much more developed, his head is more erect than it has been, and his eyes have moved closer to the front of his head. His ears are close to their final position, too. The patterning of his scalp has begun, though his locks aren't recognizable yet. He's even started growing toenails. And there's a lot happening inside as well. For example, his heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood each day, and this amount will continue to increase as your baby continues to develop.

Not much more to say than that on this baby. Random cravings, and regular parties are commencing. One woke me up at 4am. Must say my initial annoyance at being woken up that early went away very fast when I realized it was because I was getting the snot kicked out of me. :)

And on to the tummy bug. Yup. Another one. At least this child only seems to get tummy bugs and ear infections. Woke up this morning to a nice present in her crib. Unfortunately, Daddy has it to, so that leaves me to care for both. Going rather well since both of them are spending the day sleeping lol! Just hope this goes by fast. I can't afford to get sick. *sigh*

Random Simple pleasures

*Driving on the open road with the sunroof open, music blaring, smelling the fresh air and sun shining on your shoulders.

*Listening to your daughter laugh with pure joy while playing with her.

*Hearing "I love you" come from her little mouth and having her arms wrapped around your neck.

*Feeling the muted kicks of this new little one.

*Reminders of how far we have come and how blessed we are

(I often forget how small she was. Seeing her head in relation to my hand is just a wow moment.)

Flashbacks

So, I thought at 15 weeks I'd just be coasting, right? After all, this was the point in the pregnancy with Elisa where, well, not like everything went right but the main fear of miscarriage was gone and now it was just coasting until the baby came. So what is there to worry about at 15 weeks? And I have a game plan in place. Right?

Instead, it seems like they are escalating. I'm frustrated. I can't seem to count this pregnancy down as if it's "normal." Instead, those odd milestones hit me in the face.

5 more weeks until "halfway" but really, I'm technically already halfway through Elisa's pregnancy.

9 more weeks until viability.

11 more weeks until I was admitted.

14 more weeks until I delivered.

22 more weeks until term.

24 more weeks until delivery.

As much as I try not to think about these numbers, they insinuate their way into my mind when I least expect them. Those images flash into my mind. What happened last time at this stage? Where was I? What was I doing?

I don't think it helps that the due dates between the two are just two weeks apart. So much of what I was thinking/doing/feeling was happening at just about the same time.

So I enjoy it while I can. While these thoughts are blissfully silent. I contemplate names and big girl room colors and ideas for Elisa. But I'd be lying if I said these thoughts weren't far from the forefront. I just hope and pray that they fade as time goes along.

15 weeks and p17

Let me say OUCH!

The actual shot wasn't so bad, but the after effects were. I'm STILL sore today. My back seized up after a while and sleeping was difficult. But oh well, it is ALL worth it for that full term baby in December.

And it was rather amusing. The nurse giving me the shot was asking about the co-pay, etc for the shot and how much it cost. I told her and she got all excited. Handed me a form from Ther-RX saying they could help me out with the costs and probably get me the shot for free! Poor girl didn't realize who Ther-RX was. When I asked her if that was Makena, she said yes and the rep had just been there. I explained to her the drama around Makena and how I would NOT be giving any of my money or business to that company lol. She understood entirely and entirely dropped it.

I did also have another effect that I thought was a side effect of the medication. After the shot I became extremely tired, confused and dizzy. I mean I was typing gibberish, even though the words in my mind were coming out right and couldn't figure out why the words looked funny on the screen. Turns out, I was dehydrated. Dehydrated!? How much freaking water do I need to drink to stay hydrated?

So we have made it to 15 weeks. And I do think I've felt kicking already! Seems odd with it being sooo late until I felt it with Elisa. I'm hoping this means the placenta is not anterior and I'll get loads of movement from this baby.

Development at 15 weeks:
Your growing baby now measures about 4 inches long, crown to rump, and weighs in at about 2 1/2 ounces (about the size of an apple). She's busy moving amniotic fluid through her nose and upper respiratory tract, which helps the primitive air sacs in her lungs begin to develop. Her legs are growing longer than her arms now, and she can move all of her joints and limbs. Although her eyelids are still fused shut, she can sense light. If you shine a flashlight at your tummy, for instance, she's likely to move away from the beam. There's not much for your baby to taste at this point, but she is forming taste buds. Finally, if you have an ultrasound this week, you may be able to find out whether your baby's a boy or a girl! (Don't be too disappointed if it remains a mystery, though. Nailing down your baby's sex depends on the clarity of the picture and on your baby's position. He or she may be modestly curled up or turned in such a way as to "hide the goods.")

In other news, Elisa has definitely learned manipulation. She is genuinely terrified of thunder. This I do not doubt. Her reaction is to true to it and every time. If you leave her to try to work through it herself, it escalates her panic. So it's easier to just pick her up and comfort her. I'm sure she'll out grow it in due time.

However...she seems to have made the connection between mommy and daddy think she's scared so they will pick me up. So last night, she didn't want to sleep yet. She sat in her crib screaming at the top of her lungs (Thunder! Thunder!) in between gut wrenching sobs. It wasn't thundering. It wasn't even cloudy....I went in to settle her back down and she tried desperately to get out of the crib. Grabbed onto my neck with a death grip that it took a bit to untangle and lay her back down, to where she tried to get back up again. This went on for 30 minutes....stubborn butt.

Fall apart

I heard this song on the radio this morning on my way to my first p17 shot and it struck a chord.



It's so true. Never did I feel God more than when I was laying in that bed not knowing if my child would live or die if she came now. Never did I feel more peace than I did at that moment when I knew the fight was over. And something that defies so much logic can only be God.

"'Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel you now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
But somehow still have all I need?
God I want to know you more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find you when I fall apart."

Odd dreams?

I don't necessarily know if dreams are ever "foreshadowing" of events to come. I'm more along the lines of it's telling me what I'm worrying about.

So last night, when I finally got to sleep, I dreamed that I was in pre-term labor again. In Arizona and in the hospital. The doctor who was my primary care peri, and is now retired, came and took me out of the hospital, mag drip and all. Placed me into a personal car, which my mother was driving, to take me to a different hospital so that he could "try again" to get me to term. As if it bothered him that I didn't with Elisa. I woke up after he took me back to the original hospital because it was better for me than the one he was trying to sneak me into anyway.

I guess despite all my laid back, it is what it is, thoughts and feelings, I'm more worried about it than even I realize? It kind of was brought to the fore front as well when I received an initial hiccup to the p17 shots. The insurance company denied the initial request to have the shots brought to me and given to me at home. When I first heard the news, it made me wonder will they deny them all together? And it really upset me. Turns out I'll just have to drive to the doctor's office once a week. Rather depressing start to a week that was followed by a great holiday weekend.