More drama

Ugh, this kid is going to be a drama queen!

So it's been a rough few days/hours whatever. Sunday, the doctor came in and begin pushing even harder than some of the others to stop the terbutilene pump. He gave me quite a few scare reasons to stop it and stated that there is no proof that it actually works. He asked me to think about stopping the terb and going with out any anti contraction meds. Well this was like asking me to deliver now! I realize that while, maybe it's not stopping the contractions, it makes ME think it IS. And in many ways, that's worth more than the medicine itself. SO this really shook me up and stressed me out. That, with the combination of missing Andrew and just this utter feeling of lack of control over the situation I am in put me into a fit of depression. Monitoring I think went ok last night. Might have been one or two contractions but nothing worrisome. I took my meds and went to bed. Woke up around 1:30 am and thought, hmm, that feels like contractions? So I called the nurse in and she put me back on the monitor. Sure enough, I had 3 episodes of "irritability" on my monitor so they triggered the terb pump for a demand dose. After about 30 minutes it calmed then down and I dozed back off. Woke up again around 6 am and they had started again. This time I had 3 in 15 minutes. So the nurse triggered the pump again and they calmed down.

So I began my day sleep deprived and still a little stressed out. Doctor came in later in the afternoon, a different one than yesterday, and again attempted to talk me out of the terb pump. They insist my diabetes blood sugar readings are too high. Gave me a whole lot more scare stories, but Andrew and I discussed last night that we were going to stay on the terb, and if the diabetes got worse, re-evaluate then. In the course of the discussion I did mention some additional symptoms I was having and the doctor became concerned that my cervix was changing. So he decided to do a check. Sure enough, I am now 5 cm dialated. I hadn't had but a few odd contractions all day but they put me back on the monitor. I had none, not even any irritability. Also, in my morning monitoring I had none. I feel like I'm having some, but there wasn't anything showing up on the monitor, so who knows. Anyway, they aren't entirely concerned as I really am having none of the other symptoms. So we are back in a wait and see pattern and I most likely will NOT be released at 32 weeks now, if I make it that far.

The "good" news is that I've made it past 28 weeks. That is a huge milestone as far as preemies are concerned and the baby has a good, good chance if she were to come now. Every day past 28 weeks is considered "bonus" days. It means one less week in the NICU. Tomorrow is 29 weeks. Even better. Only three weeks to go until 32 weeks. There is still a chance...