Auto bailout

OK. So in what world does this make sense.

3 big companies in financial trouble decide to fly to the capital to ask for money. So they decide to spend $20,000 EACH flying to the capital. To ask for money. Because they are going bankrupt. And they expect me to fork over MY money to keep them afloat? Are you KIDDING me? They would have had much more credibility and much more of my support if they had flown commercial, with the regular people, rather than trying to be snobbish big wigs and fly chartered. Come ON, think about it. What does that say about your financial finesse? $20,000 to fly private as opposed to $300 to fly commercial? No wonder you are in financial trouble. Get over yourself. Fly commercial.

Sorry, that's my rant for today. I just can't believe that.

Thanksgiving

Received this text below in an e-mail this morning and it just struck me. It's always been a struggle for me to be happy where I was at the time that I'm there. I always tend to look to tomorrow or yesterday for happiness, despite my desire to be satisfied and happy with where I am. I just had to share as it's one of the cries of my heart.

When I was four, I wished I could go to the first grade like Mike Munoz, who lived three doors down.

When I got into the first grade I wished I was in third, because you get to go on field trips.

When I was in third I wished I was in fifth, because you could be a safety patrol.

When I was in fifth I wished I was in sixth, because you get to go to Austin to see the capital.

When I was in sixth I wished I was in junior high, because you get to play tackle football.

When I was in junior high I spent Friday nights watching high school football under the lights, and high school cheerleaders bouncing up and down on the sidelines; and I wished I was in the tenth grade.

When I was in the tenth grade my face looked like an Eggo waffle; and my grades were circling the drain; and I wished I was already graduated and gone.

When I was a freshman in college I wished I was a sophomore so my fraternity brothers would stop rubbing my head for luck.

When I was a sophomore I wished I was a senior so I could be done with 8:00 classes and higher learning forever.

When I was a senior I thought maybe you have to get married for your life to work, so I did. Three months into marriage I wished I was single. Six months into marriage I was convinced that the secret to happiness is more money, so I tried. Two years into marriage, I thought if we had a baby life wou ld be happy. Once we had a baby I realized that I wouldn’t be the baby anymore, which made me wish I was the center of attention more than ever.

It’s easy to spend our life sailing toward the next buoy on the horizon. We bet everything on the new year, the next sale, the new house, the winning number, the better job, the right relationship…believing that if we ever reach it we’ll find what we’re looking for.

That is the story of my life until I was 45 and started realizing I’d spent 40 years wishing and waiting, rather than living.

This Thanksgiving take a quick inventory of what you have in your life now; not what you wish for. Let’s experience Thanksgiving in the present tense.

My story

Last Sunday at church, we were challenged to write our story in 100 words or less. I've spent all week thinking, struggling over this. Maybe not praying like I should about it. But all I could think of was....in process. My story is in process. It's not defined yet. I can not come up with any defined moment where suddenly, God was real to me, His sacrifice made sense. It's always been a bit of a mystery to me. One I accept, trust, believe, but still a mystery.

There were times I felt closer to God than I do now, where I felt more in tune with Him and His plan. I admit to that. I miss that. I want it back. I find myself angry. I wonder, can I be angry at Him? I love him. I trust His plan. I just don't understand His plan right now. I can't see where He is taking me. Yet I still follow. What does that say about me? That I'm not truly on board? Or my faith is stronger than I think?

So I'm in process. I'm trying to believe, to just trust and see where this is going. Where all these struggles are leading. I pray that I can get back to where I feel Him again. Because I miss it.

Debt go bye bye

I just wanted to say really quickly. I'm very excited. We have started the big pay off on the house, finally. Two paychecks under our belt from Andrew's teaching, and two big fat 4 digit payments on the house. It will probably take longer than our original 2 year plan to get the whole thing paid off, but it still is very nice to see that 8 turn into a 7 and into a 6 and so on.

Just for reference, here is the house as it looked when we bought it almost 3 years to date now:




And now:



Wow has that tree in front grown or what. And needs to be trimmed. Ahh well, home maintenance. Wonder if I can wait till it's paid off to worry about it? J/K! :)

Stop and listen to the music

Stop and listen to the music. It has been too long since I’ve listened to the words and melodies of many songs for the pure enjoyment of listening. Too much time has been spent “working” as I try to commit the words and melodies to memories, or trying to learn new skills, hear new things or allow my creative juices to flow. Now, while that is definitely a useful, worthwhile and enjoyable task to me, there is just something to be said about sitting back and letting it flow through you and touch your soul. Something about music tends to reach to places that you didn’t even know you had.

Being off this last week, I think I’ve realized something. As it is with the music, I’ve realized that I’ve spent so much of my time and my life trying to accomplish all the various tasks that I have on my plate. Whether it be a task for my job, cleaning my house, cooking dinner, running the various errands, working on new music, participating and worshipping at church, I’ve just been busy. I haven’t found the enjoyment from these tasks as I would have thought I should. They were just “tasks,” things to have been gotten through. I’ve read it over and over about the benefit of taking time to stop and smell the roses, but I don’t think I’ve realized really how big of a benefit there is in there. It’s also been said over and over that throughout all our busyness, we have forgotten the most important things in our lives….our families. Now, our (Andrew’s and mine) family may just really consist of each other at the moment, but we have not been giving each other the time that we really should be. I know that even if I am at home, I am still working, checking e-mail, stressing over something that I couldn’t get to – to the point that I can’t let go. That, in combination with everything else, I have managed to bring myself to the brink of complete and total emotional breakdown. I have to ask, is all this “busyness” really worth it? Am I really fulfilling my purpose for my life? If I’m not, how can I possibly expect to learn of my purpose if I’m too busy to listen to the One who gave me purpose?

In order to put things right again, I must, absolutely must, regain direction. Instead of tasks to fill up the hours, I need to be silent and hear His voice. Maybe take a walk in silence – or even with my music, as a time of pure relaxation and listening to His voice. I never feel closer to God than when I am just listening to the words He has given to others to share. I must learn to do this more often.

Bad demographic research?

Ok so here's an annoyance factor. Forgive my rant but this is just getting old for me. Just because you visit an OB-GYN does not mean you have, are, or were pregnant. So why, ever since my two failed pregnancies, have we started to receive magazines on how to raise children. The newest being Babytalk: Straight Talk for New Mom's. And not only that, but they are going addressed to Andrew? And Andrew never requested them? So what, did they see that I was visiting a doc for a pregnancy, but failed to realize that we LOST said pregnancy? So according to their records I would have a 6 month old or be 5 months pregnant?!? And besides, how would they get that information, so is this just random oh they are a 20 something couple who've been married and in a house for a few years so they MUST be trying to have children or already have children?! I dunno, but sending a magazine about raising an infant is NOT a good idea if said household has only known the sadness of a loss of pregnancy rather than the joy of a full term healthy new arrival.

Granted I'm not totally torn up by it, just annoyed. I just think what would I have felt had this come back in May of this year, or even February?! Then I totally would have lost it. Right now, I just feel a mild annoyance and as I hadn't blogged in a while, figured I should blog something and this just seemed to fit.

The journey begins

Well, some of you may know that Andrew and I are involved in a new church plant here where we live. I know I haven't written much about it before now, but thought I should "get it out there" so to speak.

Today was our almost first service! It really was just a dress rehearsal to see how long it takes to set up/tear down, test the sound for the band and just find all those little things that we failed to think about beforehand. It was a lot of fun actually. Andrew and I carpooled with another of the band members, our one and only teenager, and arrived extra early. (I wanted to leave time to get lost, since my sense of direction is, well, challenged.) Finally, the others in our crew arrived, minus our de facto band leader in the absence of my mother (who is the actual band leader.) We began set up and finally I called our bass/acoustic guitarist. Imagine my surprise when I woke him up! Turns out he had set his alarm for PM instead of AM!!! Quite amusing, but he showed up about 30 minutes after I called him, which is quite a feat as he lives near me and it's 30 minutes in good traffic and going the speed limit!

We managed to get all set up in around 45 minutes and that really only left us 20 to warm up the band. We did and then people showed up, yay! Our teens mom and a friend and her friend. It was awesome. There was about 10-12 of us all together. We had a nice service of some music and a short discussion time and then more music. We rounded things up around 11:30 and then packed up and went home.

Overall, it went well. Set up was hurried and confusing, of course. Simply because we all had assigned jobs - but no one other than me bothered to look at what their job was! And then they all looked at me to tell THEM what to do. Boy was I laughing when it was all over, wondering how I ended up as the de facto leader. Nevermind my father is the pastor and my mother the band leader, but still!! Regardless, we got it all done. It wasn't without it's errors, issues, glitches, embarassing moments, but we worshipped God with good friends. I pray we make a difference in our community, and truly become the hands and feet of Christ here. It will be quite an amazing journey, but we are very excited to begin the walk.

If interested, check us out at www.quest2819.org. I set up the site, so hopefully you like it! ;)