Friday, November 14, 2008

My story

Last Sunday at church, we were challenged to write our story in 100 words or less. I've spent all week thinking, struggling over this. Maybe not praying like I should about it. But all I could think of process. My story is in process. It's not defined yet. I can not come up with any defined moment where suddenly, God was real to me, His sacrifice made sense. It's always been a bit of a mystery to me. One I accept, trust, believe, but still a mystery.

There were times I felt closer to God than I do now, where I felt more in tune with Him and His plan. I admit to that. I miss that. I want it back. I find myself angry. I wonder, can I be angry at Him? I love him. I trust His plan. I just don't understand His plan right now. I can't see where He is taking me. Yet I still follow. What does that say about me? That I'm not truly on board? Or my faith is stronger than I think?

So I'm in process. I'm trying to believe, to just trust and see where this is going. Where all these struggles are leading. I pray that I can get back to where I feel Him again. Because I miss it.

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