Debt go bye bye

I just wanted to say really quickly. I'm very excited. We have started the big pay off on the house, finally. Two paychecks under our belt from Andrew's teaching, and two big fat 4 digit payments on the house. It will probably take longer than our original 2 year plan to get the whole thing paid off, but it still is very nice to see that 8 turn into a 7 and into a 6 and so on.

Just for reference, here is the house as it looked when we bought it almost 3 years to date now:




And now:



Wow has that tree in front grown or what. And needs to be trimmed. Ahh well, home maintenance. Wonder if I can wait till it's paid off to worry about it? J/K! :)

Stop and listen to the music

Stop and listen to the music. It has been too long since I’ve listened to the words and melodies of many songs for the pure enjoyment of listening. Too much time has been spent “working” as I try to commit the words and melodies to memories, or trying to learn new skills, hear new things or allow my creative juices to flow. Now, while that is definitely a useful, worthwhile and enjoyable task to me, there is just something to be said about sitting back and letting it flow through you and touch your soul. Something about music tends to reach to places that you didn’t even know you had.

Being off this last week, I think I’ve realized something. As it is with the music, I’ve realized that I’ve spent so much of my time and my life trying to accomplish all the various tasks that I have on my plate. Whether it be a task for my job, cleaning my house, cooking dinner, running the various errands, working on new music, participating and worshipping at church, I’ve just been busy. I haven’t found the enjoyment from these tasks as I would have thought I should. They were just “tasks,” things to have been gotten through. I’ve read it over and over about the benefit of taking time to stop and smell the roses, but I don’t think I’ve realized really how big of a benefit there is in there. It’s also been said over and over that throughout all our busyness, we have forgotten the most important things in our lives….our families. Now, our (Andrew’s and mine) family may just really consist of each other at the moment, but we have not been giving each other the time that we really should be. I know that even if I am at home, I am still working, checking e-mail, stressing over something that I couldn’t get to – to the point that I can’t let go. That, in combination with everything else, I have managed to bring myself to the brink of complete and total emotional breakdown. I have to ask, is all this “busyness” really worth it? Am I really fulfilling my purpose for my life? If I’m not, how can I possibly expect to learn of my purpose if I’m too busy to listen to the One who gave me purpose?

In order to put things right again, I must, absolutely must, regain direction. Instead of tasks to fill up the hours, I need to be silent and hear His voice. Maybe take a walk in silence – or even with my music, as a time of pure relaxation and listening to His voice. I never feel closer to God than when I am just listening to the words He has given to others to share. I must learn to do this more often.

Bad demographic research?

Ok so here's an annoyance factor. Forgive my rant but this is just getting old for me. Just because you visit an OB-GYN does not mean you have, are, or were pregnant. So why, ever since my two failed pregnancies, have we started to receive magazines on how to raise children. The newest being Babytalk: Straight Talk for New Mom's. And not only that, but they are going addressed to Andrew? And Andrew never requested them? So what, did they see that I was visiting a doc for a pregnancy, but failed to realize that we LOST said pregnancy? So according to their records I would have a 6 month old or be 5 months pregnant?!? And besides, how would they get that information, so is this just random oh they are a 20 something couple who've been married and in a house for a few years so they MUST be trying to have children or already have children?! I dunno, but sending a magazine about raising an infant is NOT a good idea if said household has only known the sadness of a loss of pregnancy rather than the joy of a full term healthy new arrival.

Granted I'm not totally torn up by it, just annoyed. I just think what would I have felt had this come back in May of this year, or even February?! Then I totally would have lost it. Right now, I just feel a mild annoyance and as I hadn't blogged in a while, figured I should blog something and this just seemed to fit.

The journey begins

Well, some of you may know that Andrew and I are involved in a new church plant here where we live. I know I haven't written much about it before now, but thought I should "get it out there" so to speak.

Today was our almost first service! It really was just a dress rehearsal to see how long it takes to set up/tear down, test the sound for the band and just find all those little things that we failed to think about beforehand. It was a lot of fun actually. Andrew and I carpooled with another of the band members, our one and only teenager, and arrived extra early. (I wanted to leave time to get lost, since my sense of direction is, well, challenged.) Finally, the others in our crew arrived, minus our de facto band leader in the absence of my mother (who is the actual band leader.) We began set up and finally I called our bass/acoustic guitarist. Imagine my surprise when I woke him up! Turns out he had set his alarm for PM instead of AM!!! Quite amusing, but he showed up about 30 minutes after I called him, which is quite a feat as he lives near me and it's 30 minutes in good traffic and going the speed limit!

We managed to get all set up in around 45 minutes and that really only left us 20 to warm up the band. We did and then people showed up, yay! Our teens mom and a friend and her friend. It was awesome. There was about 10-12 of us all together. We had a nice service of some music and a short discussion time and then more music. We rounded things up around 11:30 and then packed up and went home.

Overall, it went well. Set up was hurried and confusing, of course. Simply because we all had assigned jobs - but no one other than me bothered to look at what their job was! And then they all looked at me to tell THEM what to do. Boy was I laughing when it was all over, wondering how I ended up as the de facto leader. Nevermind my father is the pastor and my mother the band leader, but still!! Regardless, we got it all done. It wasn't without it's errors, issues, glitches, embarassing moments, but we worshipped God with good friends. I pray we make a difference in our community, and truly become the hands and feet of Christ here. It will be quite an amazing journey, but we are very excited to begin the walk.

If interested, check us out at www.quest2819.org. I set up the site, so hopefully you like it! ;)

Labor Day weekend

Wow, has it been a busy few weeks. It seems like just yesterday, it was the beginning of August. I can hardly believe that tomorrow is September. And Labor Day is just way to early in September this year.

Well as stated above, it's been hectic around here. I've been on the road far more than I think I could handle. It started out the 2nd week in August with a trip to Chicago for a trade show training seminar. While I learned a lot of excellent information and useful tips for work, that was 4 days out of the office. I did have some time for leisure where I visited with my "namesake." My mother's best friend from her childhood. We had a wonderful time with dinner and a little tour around downtown Chicago. I decided that Chicago is a nice place to visit, but I definitely would not want to live there. Thursday, the last day there, I had what can only be described as an "episode" where I decided that I just had to get home and right away. The seminar was over at noon but my flight was not until 9pm. But in my agitated state, I booked it to the airport and managed to catch a 2pm flight. Was so happy to be home I just bawled once I walked in the door. That week was also Andrew's last week of freedom!

The next week, third week in August, I again was out for the first three days. But this time I was in Huntsville for meetings. Andrew started his first week as a paraeducator. But, he found out by Wednesday that they were offering him a full time teaching position, to begin the next Monday. We were thrilled! But so began the preparations. We spent the weekend setting up his classroom as best we could.

Then comes this past week. I was gone AGAIN. This time in Santa Clara, California and LA. While it was a very productive trip in terms of the future, I again was unable to get as much done as I would have liked. I have begun to really feel the pressure of all the travel and then the demands of the office as well as my personal life. Sleep has gone by the wayside, stress is way up. Doesn't help that this was also Andrew's first week of teaching, so that meant additional stress for both of us. Andrew, just because it's his first week of teaching and talk about a learning curve! There is so much to take into consideration when setting up a classroom and determining these lesson plans. And Andrew's penchant for perfectionism is leading him to place more pressure on himself and stress himself out even more. That in turn spills out on me. And me being stressed out to begin with, well lets just say it's been a fun week. I'm exhausted, crying at every turn and Andrew is just as stressed but being a guy, he can't just bawl at the drop of a hat. (Why is that, btw? Can anyone answer me that?)

So anyway, who knows how much of this is in reaction to the meds they have me on since the surgery in July. Thankfully, the last shot is Tuesday, then hopefully my body can get back to normal. That and the completion of AstriCon, which will be a complete weight lifted.

So maybe I'll head to bed now. If you are reading this, please pray for us. While these troubles are very minor compared to what many others have to deal with, I feel very much at the end of my rope and just need God's peace and faith in Him that whatever happens in the future, I will be taken care of. Not that I really doubt it. I dunno, maybe I do since I worry. I don't want to worry, I want to trust. And while at times I have absolute peace and trust in Him, it seems that at night, all of that peace and trust disappears and all I'm left with is my fear. Especially those early mornings when I can no longer sleep, but its too early to rise. *Sigh* I just want to enjoy where I am right now. Is that too much to ask?

Lazy week and bye bye debt

Lisa and I are just kind of taking it easy for the next week. I will start my teaching job a week from Monday. I sold off about 1/2 of my vending business. It was nice to finally be able to write the check to pay off my student loans. We are debt free but the house now. Hopefully in the next 2 years we will be totally debt free. It takes discipline and sacrifices but it will be worth it when we are debt free. Last weekend we spent a few days in Columbia for a short vacation, it was nice to get out of town for a few days. Hoping I can get the rest of my vending sold soon, or I will be running after school to get it done. It would give us a nice chunk of money to pay down on the house.

Oh crappy day!

Well from one extreme to the other isn't it? Almost feels like there must be something to counteract everything. So for every good there is a bad? Had my post op appointment today and it turns out I have Stage IV endo. Doc said that means it's been growing in there for 7-10 YEARS. Years! That means it more than likely began growing when I became very ill back in 2000. Coincidence? Hmmm. I think NOT. Basically that tells me that the doctors before really weren't listening to me. Stress causing it, yeah right. Someone tell me please why it had to take 8 years and two miscarriages before the REAL reason for my stomach/weight issues to be discovered?

So what does Stage IV endo mean? I'm not entirely sure as I have adamantly refused to google it. I haven't wanted to know. Too much of the information out on the internet tends to be bad news and I just can't bear to look at it that way. All I know is that it was all over everything. Pelvic floor, uterus (both inside and out), probably bladder and intestines (hence the STOMACH/DIGESTION problems), one of my ovaries was just covered in it. It is unequivocally the reason for my miscarriages. Hands down. It caused the poor egg quality, it hindered the progesterone development. It probably was the cause of my extremely irregular cycles.

So where to from here? Doc lasered out as much of the endo as he could during the surgery. He has placed me on pseudo-menopause until December, which will starve out/kill any remaining endo he couldn't get to. Then we have to get pregnant FAST. We have about 6 months before the endo starts growing back. After birth - I have to go on the pill that only allows 3 cycles a YEAR. Then get pregnant fast again. Thing is, with the drug regimen the doc is putting me on - I have an increased risk for multiples. So that thing I had growing up about always wanting TWINS? Well it's a real possibility now. Funny how these things work out, huh?

So mostly, I think I'm ok. A bit frustrated that the wait is going to have to be so long. I want it and I want it now on some things. Mostly angry that all these things were related - that I can pretty much deduce that this all STARTED back in January 2000 when I first became ill and I had to FIGHT that doc to even consider that something more was wrong with me than just STRESS. 3 months and 20 lbs and a little internal bleeding later - oh I guess something WAS wrong. What is wrong, oh I dunno?! I've heard it said that's why it's called a medical practice but why do I have to be the guinea pig? Grr. On the positive side, doc seems pretty confident that I'll be pregnant by March of 09. December seems a popular month for milestones in my life.