A trip down memory lane

I decided today to go back in time. Back to those weeks in the NICU. I thought I was ready, but it turns out I really wasn't. Because I wasn't really able to read the words, words that were so filled with a pain I didn't realize at the time were coming through so powerfully. But one thing stood out to me, and that was my first ever blog for preemies. In it I write "I don't see her as a "preemie" and I won't label her as one. She may have issues when she gets older because of her prematurity, but I will not allow the circumstances of her early birth to be the definition of who she is. She's just mine, and she's gorgeous."

Now, that hasn't changed. She is mine and she is gorgeous. And she is a preemie. When I wrote that, I think I considered the label "preemie" as some sort of a negative label. That to call her a preemie somehow meant she wasn't as good as other children. That somehow she wouldn't be up to snuff.

Almost 16 months later, the label "preemie" has a much different feel to it to me. It's not that I'm proud of her being a preemie in the sense that I would ever purposely try to have another preemie, nor would I ever wish to do it all over again and still have her be a preemie. But, it's sort of like the line in the preemie poem that a lot of my friends, and I, have posted:

"When her child says momma for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it."

Each day, each step, each milestone, each pound, each bite, each BREATH is a miracle. And I witness it EVERY day. And in THAT I guess I am proud. I am proud of what she has overcome. I am proud of how hard she's fought. I am proud that she doesn't realize just how special she is. I know. And in a very unique way.

To go from here:



to here:



I guess she's lucky. Because in many ways, she doesn't have to do much to impress me. Just by her being here impresses me. And makes me proud. Where we are now, is more than I ever imagined we would be 16 months ago. She was named the "rock star" by our nurse practitioner. I don't think there is any other nick name that would more accurately describe her. She is, truly, a rock star.