And we are back

The flashbacks that is.

I was wondering when they would return. I was rather surprised to have gotten through the last few weeks unscathed. Some minor flutters on the 9th but over all, it almost didn't seem like we were really approaching the year mark.

So I was rather surprised to be hit tonight with some rather strong flashbacks. And find it rather strange that I'm not seeing the days leading up to the 28th, but rather the night before I flew out to Arizona.

I see it vividly. Actually, I see that morning vividly. The cold cold temperatures. The wet roads from the rain we'd just had. The conversation with the shuttle driver. He grew up on the Kansas side and was in the Air Force. I remember the niggling pain I'd been having, but didn't worry about other than to note it was odd that it was in the morning instead of the night as it had been every night. I see the decent into Phoenix's airport and recall the odd sick feeling that I was suddenly struck with. And remember thinking that wasn't right. I remember waiting for my luggage and frustrated it was taking so long, knowing I had to get it and my rental car and head to the hospital. Never did it enter my mind that I wouldn't be leaving for three weeks. That I should have just taken a taxi. And avoided the 2 hour wait in line at the rental car.

And so it feels like this trip is not so much just another show...but is instead an attempt to "repeat" last years. I'm even torn over what to wear tomorrow, because what I was planning on wearing was the same thing I wore when I flew to Arizona. Part of me shrugs it off. The other part of me says, wait, that's a little too much.

I don't know what the next week will bring. I just hope it goes by fast. As much as I'm looking forward to it, I'm dreading it. I'd much rather go to sleep tonight and wake up in November. I'd much rather forget what is coming up than attempt to remember. It's hard to celebrate what was one of the most terrifying events of your life. It's even harder to do when you are, again, away from home.

But I do know this. I'll survive. Because I have survived worse. I made it through last year didn't I?