4 month check up

So we had our four month check up today, including our 4 month vaccines. YUCK.

I was a bit worried about this one just because she'd been so fussy the last few days I was worried she may be sick. But she decided to be her cute, flirtatious self and charmed all the staff. She babbled, and cooed and talked throughout. They asked all the normal "is she doing this, is she doing that" type questions. She seemed to be pretty good on all of them.

We had a different doc than the one we normally see, which I'm not too upset about. Truth be told, I rather liked her better. She asked if there was anything we were concerned about so we discussed her reflux and the zantac. She looked Elisa over and during that she noticed the dry skin/eczema/rash I've asked about for the last few months. She wonders if Elisa doesn't have a cow's milk protein allergy, which could explain her reflux and general fussiness. So we had two options. Take her completely off breast milk and go to straight, non-milk special formula, or I can remove all traces of dairy from my diet and still use a non-milk special formula for the supplementing. As much as I love my child, I love my milk. So we are on a two week experiment of formula only. I guess God was telling me it was time to give up breast feeding. I had been struggling with it, especially with supply issues, and the fact that I feel caged in and unable to get out because I always have to be where she is in order to feed her. And with my upcoming trip looming, I didn't know how I was going to get enough of a supply built up for her to have while I was away. If this is the problem...and we have to give her only formula from now on...it solves a lot of those problems. It's rather "freeing" as it releases me from my "failure" notions.

And the other thing she did...in her typical fashion...was show off. The doctor picks her up and places her on her belly to see how well she holds herself up, etc. Well, Elisa decided she did NOT want to be on her belly, so she pushes with her little left arm, throws her shoulder and hip back and whacks her head on the mirror as she rolls herself onto her back. We just kind of watched her in shock. Every time I try to put her on her belly she screams and flails and ends up with her face planted in the blanket sucking on her fist. Elisa didn't even seem to realize what she'd done, she just looked up at the doctor and cooed. The doctor put her back to see if she'd do it again, but we only received our typical reaction. Cry in frustration, find her fist with her mouth and suck in satisfaction. Ah well, hopefully this is just the first of many attempts.

She also received her vaccines which has left me with one fussy baby. I just hate those cries of misery, they break your heart. Lets hope tomorrow with the combination of the new formula and being over the shots will bring me my little relaxed, laid back kiddo.

4 months old

So, I've been trying to get to this post for a couple of days now, but I keep getting sidetracked by either editing the template or a little miss who is quite demanding at times. It seems to me that she's lost that happy go lucky attitude she had while in the NICU and has moved to a all me all the time attitude. She's definitely making her presence known and is keeping us guessing on what she really wants!

So, Elisa is 4 months old as of yesterday. Her personality is still ever present. She loves sticking her tongue out for pictures.



It appears she will definitely have blue eyes (no surprise there, both Andrew and I have blue eyes.) The question is, will it be the bright blue of mine or the darker blue of Andrew's? That is still to be determined.

We have our 4 month check up on Thursday and I'm hoping for 9 lbs. At her last appt about 2 weeks ago, she was 8lbs 3 oz, and the way she's been porking it up, I can definitely see her making that 9 lb mark. Just to compare...I took this picture. The doll pictured is a 14 inch long doll and I've placed some of her preemie clothes on it.



I still am taken aback when I look at her compared to this doll. I knew she was little when she was born, and I knew she had grown. But by that much?

And she's thriving! She's eating up a storm, which mom and I just laugh about now. Especially after all the struggles we had with getting her to eat before her release. Sometimes I can't get enough in her fast enough to suit her. She's started to throw fits when I stop to burp her as well. She'll push up on her feet, scream and stamp her feet until she burps or gets her bottle back. And she loves being on her feet. She's gotten so strong and can even hold herself somewhat erect. If we hold her by her hips, she has all of her weight on her legs and while her upper body wiggles and looks like someone who's had too much to drink, she manages to keep herself mostly upright. And she loves to sit! We bought her a bumbo chair (which apparently are very popular! We searched for a used one and even though we jumped on every one that was recent...they were already sold...) and, depending on her mood, she loves to be in it. Andrew calls it her "throne." I'll have to get a picture of her on it. Ermm..in it.

Since this is just fun to do for comparison purposes, I'll leave you with a photo timeline from birth to 4 months.

Birthday

One month old

Two months old

Three months old

Four months old

UGH

So trying to customize this blog and can't get my picture at the top to stretch like I want it to!!! Anyone know how to better customize this thing?

Bring the Rain

I recently found the blog of Angie Smith, the wife of Todd Smith, one of the vocalists in the group Selah. It was brought to my attention by one of the members of a preemie parenting forum that I participate in and details the store of Audrey, their fourth child, who only lived for 2.5 hours after her birth.

And it brought it home to me.

How blessed I really am.

While Elisa never had any of the problems little Audrey did, things could have been very different. They could have turned out way worse than they did. Elisa could not be here right now, sleeping peacefully in my arms.

It reminded me of things I didn't really put down into words at the time we first began this journey. When I originally landed in the hospital at 26 weeks pregnant and in imminent danger of delivering. The doctors were preparing us for the eventuality. And I remember the terror. I remember thinking she's less than 2 pounds. It's too early. I remember asking Andrew and my parents to tell the doctors to put me under for the c-section. I did not want to be awake when they took her out. I was so afraid of how she would look, I was so afraid of her not breathing. I would have much rather been asleep during the process and woken up to find she had passed than to have had to watch it while prone on the operating table.

But God gave me three more weeks to prepare. He performed several miracles during that time. He baffled the medical staff as things that occurred just DON'T happen. Dialation does NOT go backwards. But it did. Twice. Full blown labor, contractions, dialating stopped completely for 2 weeks.

So as traumatic as these last few months have been, it COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE.

I thank God for what He's done. For where He's brought us. I pray that He would use my experience in whatever way He needs it to be used. I don't know what that is yet. But I don't want to miss it.

For those that are interested, here is the link to the blog: http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/2008_01_01_archive.html

What I love about you...

To copy a little bit from a friend's blog...

What I love about Elisa at this moment. Her way of asking for you to hold her up and make her jump. She'll fuss until you let her stand in front of you. Then she'll swing her hips back and forth until you jump her. And then, the best part, she gives you the biggest grin. And then the cycle begins again.

Nursery is

FINISHED!

Yes, almost 4 months after she was born, we finally have Elisa's nursery set up, with all the pictures up and all of that stuff. Seeing as how we had little done prior to my leaving for Arizona, and then trying to take care of a little one, it was a bit difficult to get it done.

So here are the pictures. It's not perfect. It doesn't look like a professionally decorated nursery. But it's all I'm gonna get. Mainly cuz I'm too cheap to go buy anymore for it. :)

So...

I've made a decision.

As you could tell from my last post, I've been dealing with a lot of "guilt" and feelings of "failure." Part of that is driven by the fact that I was having trouble with the whole breast feeding thing. I so desperately wanted to breast feed, and we were doing a GREAT job. But, I was unable to get enough extra to support her for when I travel. And with a trip coming up at the end of March, I was seriously stressing myself out.

So, I compromised. I've gone to expressly pumping, like I did in the NICU. And I'm LOVING it. More than I thought I would. Because now, I can leave her for longer periods of time. Someone else can feed her. Andrew can help more. AND I'm able to control how much she's getting and she's going longer periods between feeds. And I've been able to store some away. I've also been mixing it with an ounce or two of formula to help it go further, but since she had to have the supplement bottles anyway for the added calories, that isn't too much of a change. So she's still getting the benefits of breast milk, and I get the freedom to be able to do more.

I do miss the bonding of the actual breast feeding part. But I'm much happier this way, and by that, I think she will be much happier as well.

And I think this weekend, the nursery will FINALLY be done! :) I'll post pics when it is.