I sit here today and I feel like I am in two places in my mind. Niggling at the back of my mind is the thought that the "countdown" begins today. October, for the past 4 years, has been full of nothing but traumatic milestones, reminders, triggers.
And yet, this year has been one of the best of my life so far. And those PTSD triggers have been significantly insignificant leading up to this month. Even what little ones I get, like a text from my best preemie mom talking about NICU soap and how the smell bothers her and triggers her, reminds me of the smell. And consequently makes me want to claw my hands off. Even just the memory of the conversation makes my skin crawl. But they don't last nearly as long. Really are just a blip on the radar.
But you know, as I went back through my blog posts trying to see if I had posted anything on October 1, 2009 just to see what was going on in my mind then, I found this one. And just had to giggle at the irony. Little did I know just what was to come my way just a little over a week after this was written.
But the fact that I can read it, let alone giggle at it, tells me just how far I have come.
Ahh the blessed passing of time. Let the countdown begin.