Saw this on LinkedIn today: "I thank God I didn't get what I thought I deserved, as bad as it hurt as bad as it was...sometimes there's good in goodbye" ~Carrie Underwood
And I was doing great with today. In fact, I didn't even really realize that today was approaching with all that I've been up to lately. I was aware it was coming, but I didn't really place any energy or thought into it.
Today was the day, 4 years ago at just 26 weeks and 3 days pregnant I got on an airplane to go to a hotel and landed in a hospital. To this day, I will always replace the word "hotel" with "hospital." It's rather amusing to see the blank looks on people's faces when I casually state that I'm "going back to the hospital" without immediately realizing my mistake.
I made the mistake of going back on my Facebook page and reading my timeline from everything that occurred that month. The good thing is I actually READ it. I've tried many times to go back and look at it only to just chicken out or tear up at just moving my cursor to the date. But I actually clicked that button and read the posts. And I did tear up at the outpouring of love I saw on it. I don't remember that. I don't remember the majority of those posts that people put on my page, sending their love and their prayers and their support. So my tears are partially tears of joy, but I can't lie and say that the heartache isn't there as well.
Overall, looking back over these last 4 years, from the day my life irrevocably changed and I am no longer the person I was then, there really is good in the goodbye.
Goodbye to the person I was. Goodbye to the life I thought I should live. Hello to the life I have, that I didn't even know I wanted.