Monday, February 15, 2010


Everyone tells me we are doing a great job with Elisa, and that it's not my fault she came early. So why do I still feel like I'm ruining my kid somehow and have this overwhelming feeling of failure whenever I think about her coming early? Is this just typical, new mom guilt? Or is this somewhat exaggerated by her traumatic, early delivery? I feel like I should be doing more with her, rather than trying to get so much stuff done around the house. I feel like I should be more involved in trying to get her to play or do other things instead of sitting here holding her while typing on the computer. Is this just the way it will be for the rest of my life, now? Constantly walking a tight rope, praying that I'm not ruining her?


Michelle said...

I feel the exact same thing! In fact, lately the "preemie mom guilt" i've heard about but didn't really feel has been settling in. It is really hard! I'll be thinking about you!

Lauren said...

I cannot comment on the preemie guilt... Sadie was only 2 weeks early. But I can relate to your feelings of not doing enough with her. I also felt this way, especially while I was still on maternity leave. It's only now that's she's 6 months old that I've realized that there's only so much you can do with them when they are that young/little. Its ok to let them sleep, hang out on their own, and GASP even watch TV. But now, it's a totally different story. She is engaging, interested, sitting up, babbling, rolling over, laughing, and just all around alert and energized. We can do so much and go so many places now. We can get babysitters. I don't feel like we're cooped up at home or that I'm not doing enough with her. But this is because I realized I had to give up some of my type A tendencies. If it doesn't get done today, oh well. I'll just try again tomorrow. It takes time to go from 100% focus on you and what you want to get done in a day, to realizing that most of that is small potatoes compared to her. You'll get the hang of it. It just takes a little time. I'm thinking things will be much different at the 6 month old mark and beyond.

Anonymous said...

Lisa, just hold her and snuggle whenever you want. Then remember it's okay to use a swing or bouncy seat or whatever if you need to put her down and type with 2 hands or do laundry or take a shower or...the list is endless. she's a baby and IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT she came early...GOD's WILL at work. Just enjoy her - she'll move around on her own soon enough and you'll be wishing she wanted to hug and snuggle.