Letters to our Daughters - July 15, 2014

Dear E,

Oh, what can I say about you?  You are so much more than words or pictures can ever describe.  I find as you get older, the harder it is to put my thoughts into words when it comes to you.

You are a force beyond words.  And yet, you are compassionate. 

You ask me regularly about the "owie in my tummy."  You want me to show you where it is, then shower me with kisses, and hugs, and pats on my owie and declare it's "all better now."

I love how you are finally showing that independent streak that I know you have and dressing yourself, and starting your own movies.  You've even tried to get your own breakfast and pour your own drinks.  As much as I fear the mess that brings, I am ever so proud of you wanting to try.

You take in the world around you with such abandon.  Nothing gets you down.  You are so full of "why's" and I don't have all the answers, but you are so determined to find them.

I can't believe how much time has passed since those days before you were such a part of my life.  You bring such joy to everyone you meet.

You are the very epitome of amazing.  And I love every little bit of you.

Please be sure to visit and see Nicole's letter to her daughter.

Random, sad statistic

1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage.  25%.  http://americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/miscarriage.html

I've had 3 out of 5 fail.  That's 60%.

And yet, that's normal.  And not a concern?  It couldn't be caused by something else internally going on.  It's just "one of those things."

Sure.....

Let me just say this, though.  I am ok.  I do not feel the same amount of devastation I had from the first two.  Maybe it's because I am truly lucky and blessed with my two.  And content.  They are my life and my miracles and I love having them in my life.    The only two my body decided not to reject.

Truly meant to be.

[Kids Were Here] - July 2014

"I love those random memories that make me smile, no matter what is going on in my life right now." ~Quotediary.me

Be sure to visit Kelly's page and see what memories her baby has in store. 

So. What is normal?

I wish I knew. 

I don't know normal.  My body doesn't know normal.

I can't remember how many times I've been told "I've never seen that before" in relation to some condition my body has dreamed up.

"I've never seen such an advanced case of endometriosis in someone so young."

"I've never seen a cervix dilate backwards."

"I've never seen gestational diabetes present so early."

"I've never seen a cyst like this following a miscarriage." 

Enough already with the "I've never seen's."  Why is it that even though I keep getting told "I've never seen that before" after I push my way into being evaluated, does the medical profession still not seem to think I know when somethings wrong.  Why is it, that 6 weeks into this most recent bout, am I still fighting for recognition that something isn't right.  That this isn't "normal" following a miscarriage.

I'm pretty sure the endometriosis is back, and I'm no longer sure how to get the doctors to do the testing needed for it.  After all, endometriosis doesn't "normally" present this severely in such a short time.  Never mind such a strong family history of it.....

So, long story short.  In these last 6 weeks, I've had a miscarriage, followed immediately by a 6cm cyst that then ruptured (I thought the pain from the miscarriage was bad....).  Then developed another cyst and a uterine fibroid on the right side.

And yet.  All of this is normal....