Dear E,
(This post is going to be rather long, as this was a very eventful week we just had. And since this is part of a blog circle I participated in, I wanted to make sure you have a chance to visit Nicole's blog and read her letter to her daughter here.)
I am not even sure where to start this letter. This seems to be a common theme, I know. I am still processing the events of the past week in our lives, and as they are very important to the story of your life, I want to share them with you in a way that might help you remember when you are grown. And maybe even tell your own children someday.
You see, you are one very special little girl. You always have been. And you would still be even if you hadn't been born 11 weeks premature. And a 4 hour plane ride away. (To see more of this my dear, see this blog entry.) However, this part of your history is pivotal to your story.
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As fascinated as you were, you seemed a little withdrawn. A little unsure of this machine in front of you. Almost afraid to touch it.
But your curiosity won out and you did. Even though you wouldn't put your hand inside to feel how warm it was in there.
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Even now, just from looking back in my mind at the memory of walking in those doors and down that hall, I feel completely drained. The emotions sucked dry. That empty feeling that comes from being emotionally wasted. I did not expect that reaction. I was apprehensive to go, but I did not truly expect to be that overwhelmed by emotions. I don't know still that I have processed it all. Or that I ever will.
There are moments that just define you. That just change the course of your life. Some of them, you chose to make happen. Some of them are thrown in your face when the rug is pulled out from under you and all you can do is stand back up and keep moving forward.
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You changed my life. Not in the "simple" way of "making" me a mother. But in showing me what I could do. That, as the Kutless song says, impossible is not a word...it's just a reason for someone not to try.
What an amazing person you are. You changed more lives than you will ever know. The hearts you touched while in the hospital, and the healing you gave.
And it doesn't really stop there. You seem to give hope . The more your story is shared. The more people who see you in all your 4 year old glory. Healthy, happy, spunky.
So for that very reason alone, I will keep sharing you, your life and your story. And I hope someday you will want to share it yourself. Stand up proud and say that prematurity did not hold you down. Did not keep you from achieving your dreams. It didn't define you, but you took the challenge by the head. You squared your shoulders and stuck your tongue out at the world.
I am so very thankful you got to meet some of the people so pivotal to those first days. Not only did they care for you, but they cared for me. They gave me the strength to go on. To keep putting that foot in front of the other.
There is much more detail to our trip than just our visit to the NICU, but that is another post, for another day. And, I think, what I want you to know the most as you grow up. The itty bitty details of getting on a plane, seeing some butterflies, cactus walks, meeting lots of new people, will always be there and you will probably remember it. But knowing that you changed lives, that you had an impact just by being born, that you won't know unless you are told.
So for that very reason alone, I will keep sharing you, your life and your story. And I hope someday you will want to share it yourself. Stand up proud and say that prematurity did not hold you down. Did not keep you from achieving your dreams. It didn't define you, but you took the challenge by the head. You squared your shoulders and stuck your tongue out at the world.
I am so very thankful you got to meet some of the people so pivotal to those first days. Not only did they care for you, but they cared for me. They gave me the strength to go on. To keep putting that foot in front of the other.
There is much more detail to our trip than just our visit to the NICU, but that is another post, for another day. And, I think, what I want you to know the most as you grow up. The itty bitty details of getting on a plane, seeing some butterflies, cactus walks, meeting lots of new people, will always be there and you will probably remember it. But knowing that you changed lives, that you had an impact just by being born, that you won't know unless you are told.
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