God in a box

So, I've been reading this book by W.M. Young I believe, called "The Shack." And it has really gotten me thinking, especially about the way we, as humans, look at things.

One thing it's really made me realize is I have put God in a box more than I ever thought. I had thought, maybe in arrogance, that I was pretty good at letting God lead and be God. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized He was pretty firmly in a big, square box with the lid firmly shut.

For example, I've always had a "plan" for my life. Now, the plan in itself is not bad, and it's good to work towards goals. But when I did not make those goals, whether from health or other issues, I've struggled. I've become depressed, I've raged, I've ranted. Cursed life. All silently, of course, as no one but God would ever know my frustrations. And usually, it was when things didn't go my way, or "bad" things happened.

But, you know, who defined the word "bad." Humans? Or God? I think it was us, as humans. For example, and this example I took straight from the book, what do you think of when you see a poisonous plant? I don't have a specific plant in mind, but maybe something like poison ivy, that causes uncomfortable sensations? Or even a plant that if you touch it, maybe it has poison in it that kills you. Don't you define that as "bad?" But what if this same plant, this same poison that killed you, also if harvested and mixed with the right ingredients, then made a cure for something like cancer? Or AIDS? Wouldn't you then label the plant as good? So, which is it? Good or bad? The answer is, it is both good and bad, depending on your choice. You choose to see the poison that killed or the cure that saved. So isn't this true of the problems we run into in life, that we label as bad? Don't we choose how we see it?

So whenever problems arise, or things don't go as we want. Or even horrible things happen, you can choose. You can choose to wallow in your self pity and woe is me outlook. You can choose to ask why me (as I will be the first to say I am currently struggling with) or you can choose to say "God, I trust you, even in this." You can see the good in it, because if God is in it, then there is good in it. Even if you don't see it yet. It's there. And let's be honest. You may never in your lifetime figure out what "good" came out of it. But you can choose to believe that God is in control. That God is taking you to EXACTLY where you need to be. And choose to be happy in spite of the trials you may have experienced. And let God be God.

Simple things

You know, nothing like being away from home for a while to make you realize how pleasant things really are when you get home. Simple things, like having a big, cold glass of milk with a good dinner. Snuggling with Andrew. Watching TV on your own couch with your big blanket. Sometimes I get frustrated because I think my life is "boring" and that I have nothing of note to "show off." But coming home makes you realize what all you do have. And maybe it's not "big" and "flashy" but it's comforting, and warm, and dry. My life may not go the way I had planned out when I was young, but I have more to be thankful for than I will ever get around to actually giving thanks for.

Prayers

Please pray for us. Sometimes life throws you curve balls, and I don't understand where God is taking us. I don't understand what His plan is. I don't try to normally, just accept on faith that we are going where He needs us to be. But then the curve balls come, and I just struggle to hold on to my faith in the midst of incredible pain. That I know isn't near the pain that many others feel, but still, at this point, I can't comprehend anything more painful.

I don't understand, God. I don't know what is going on, I don't know what you want me to do, where you want me to. I'm standing here waiting for you to move, to guide, to direct, to heal the pain, to remember it's not on my time, but Yours. Please give me faith to cling to.