Letters to our daughters - November 17, 2013

Dear E,

I wrote this the night before your big day.

4 years ago, I was going to sleep, back in labor and delivery and back on the mag. But I still had hope. Hope for another day to 32 (my 2nd goal, the first being making 28 weeks.) Little did I know what tomorrow held. But I somehow knew it would be ok.

I still don't know what tomorrow holds, but one little girl showed me what I could do. So today, I go to bed with a 3 year old. Streamers are hung, tickets are printed, cakes are baked. And despite the memories that will always creep in, I'm ready to celebrate one amazing, tenacious, stubborn, smart, beautiful, miracle baby girl.

Sometimes it's really hard to believe you are 4.  Four!  Where did the years go?  It seems like just yesterday we were sitting at your bedside, terrified for what the future held.

You are starting to finally seem to "get" what birthday's are about now, so we wanted to celebrate it in a "big" way.

Sometimes I feel so guilty, that I can't seem to separate the trauma of your birth from the desire to  celebrate it.  I want to celebrate it, for you deserve to be celebrated.  But while the pain may fade, the memories never will.  I hope you know, that even with that, I do not regret you.  I regret the circumstances in which you were born.  But I do not regret YOU.

So we set out to celebrate.  I hope the day was filled with memories.  Of trains.  Of animals.  Of family.  We certainly had fun spending the time with you.

For the record, (since this is my virtual baby book :-D) you finally reached 30 lbs.  You are rocking it in pre-school...even if you are a bit stubborn with showing that off to mom and dad.

Every day is a blessing with you.  Even when you make us crazy.

Love you baby girl.

Check out Kristin's letter to her baby girl.  And some awesome photography as well.  :)