Sometimes

Sometimes you just have to wonder why.

Why me? Why now?

Not many of us ever find the answer to that question.

We've all witnessed a miracle, whether we've been aware that what we were experiencing was one. Some can point to truly significant events with no question and know a miracle took place. We've all heard of the person who survived a deadly accident with barely a scratch. Or who overcame a chronic illness, such as cancer. Or defied all odds and survived with a normal life when all medical knowledge had given up on them. Those with faith in God chalk it up to answered prayer. Sometimes even those with no faith in God can see Him in those actions.

So sometimes, when we are faced with insurmountable events in our lives, we look to God and beg Him to fix it. And what happens when He doesn't?

I mean, let's be honest here. This is GOD. He can do anything. There is nothing beyond His ability to control. To fix.

So, why didn't He fix me?

Regardless of where you are in your faith journey, this question can break you.

Why didn't you fix me?

I've said that many times over. I cried, prayed, begged for Him to fix me in that hospital. To save my little girl for the trial about to come her way.

I don't think there is anyone who has sat on the outside of an incubator holding your infant, who should still be in your belly and NOT asked that question.

But maybe the question is not why did you let this happen to me, but where do I go from here?

I've seen people in traumatic situations, whether it be having a preemie, losing a child, be involved in a life changing accident that left them somehow "less" than what they were, or whatever that trauma may be, handle things in a few different ways. It seems like they either sink into the "why me's" and simply can't move beyond it. The event so defines their life that it then becomes their life.

Or they shrug their shoulders, look up and keep moving forward. As if it never happened. As it it never touched their lives.

Or, they move forward and DO something with the trauma.

I think I'm done with the why me's. I think I've been done for a while. It seems I've found a purpose from this experience. Preemies, and preemie families feel like my purpose. In supporting others through this somehow.

I've become involved with both the March of Dimes and a local NICU. And I've never felt so fulfilled.

So maybe

Sometimes

It's not about what happens to you but about what you do with what happens to you.