God in a box

So, I've been reading this book by W.M. Young I believe, called "The Shack." And it has really gotten me thinking, especially about the way we, as humans, look at things.

One thing it's really made me realize is I have put God in a box more than I ever thought. I had thought, maybe in arrogance, that I was pretty good at letting God lead and be God. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized He was pretty firmly in a big, square box with the lid firmly shut.

For example, I've always had a "plan" for my life. Now, the plan in itself is not bad, and it's good to work towards goals. But when I did not make those goals, whether from health or other issues, I've struggled. I've become depressed, I've raged, I've ranted. Cursed life. All silently, of course, as no one but God would ever know my frustrations. And usually, it was when things didn't go my way, or "bad" things happened.

But, you know, who defined the word "bad." Humans? Or God? I think it was us, as humans. For example, and this example I took straight from the book, what do you think of when you see a poisonous plant? I don't have a specific plant in mind, but maybe something like poison ivy, that causes uncomfortable sensations? Or even a plant that if you touch it, maybe it has poison in it that kills you. Don't you define that as "bad?" But what if this same plant, this same poison that killed you, also if harvested and mixed with the right ingredients, then made a cure for something like cancer? Or AIDS? Wouldn't you then label the plant as good? So, which is it? Good or bad? The answer is, it is both good and bad, depending on your choice. You choose to see the poison that killed or the cure that saved. So isn't this true of the problems we run into in life, that we label as bad? Don't we choose how we see it?

So whenever problems arise, or things don't go as we want. Or even horrible things happen, you can choose. You can choose to wallow in your self pity and woe is me outlook. You can choose to ask why me (as I will be the first to say I am currently struggling with) or you can choose to say "God, I trust you, even in this." You can see the good in it, because if God is in it, then there is good in it. Even if you don't see it yet. It's there. And let's be honest. You may never in your lifetime figure out what "good" came out of it. But you can choose to believe that God is in control. That God is taking you to EXACTLY where you need to be. And choose to be happy in spite of the trials you may have experienced. And let God be God.

Simple things

You know, nothing like being away from home for a while to make you realize how pleasant things really are when you get home. Simple things, like having a big, cold glass of milk with a good dinner. Snuggling with Andrew. Watching TV on your own couch with your big blanket. Sometimes I get frustrated because I think my life is "boring" and that I have nothing of note to "show off." But coming home makes you realize what all you do have. And maybe it's not "big" and "flashy" but it's comforting, and warm, and dry. My life may not go the way I had planned out when I was young, but I have more to be thankful for than I will ever get around to actually giving thanks for.

Prayers

Please pray for us. Sometimes life throws you curve balls, and I don't understand where God is taking us. I don't understand what His plan is. I don't try to normally, just accept on faith that we are going where He needs us to be. But then the curve balls come, and I just struggle to hold on to my faith in the midst of incredible pain. That I know isn't near the pain that many others feel, but still, at this point, I can't comprehend anything more painful.

I don't understand, God. I don't know what is going on, I don't know what you want me to do, where you want me to. I'm standing here waiting for you to move, to guide, to direct, to heal the pain, to remember it's not on my time, but Yours. Please give me faith to cling to.

Lazy

I really need to update and come up with some snazzy post, but you know what, I just don't feel like it! :-D I have promised myself that I would learn to relax, so that means that I need to spend less time on the computer, and therefore, less time coming up with thoughts to post. And so far, I've managed to limit myself to 1 hour a day after work during the week and 3 hours a day on the weekend. It's been working. Oh, and the Wii Fit has helped, more like the yoga. Which it really just comes down to the deep breathing which TOTALLY relaxes me.

Ok, I've had my internet for the night. G'night!

Happy 2009!

Yeah, so I know it's been a while. And I realize I've fallen down on updating this blog again. But hey, sometimes it's just hard coming up with content!

So here's to a happy 2009. Andrew and I are just enjoying our final day of break. Well, Andrew's last day was Thursday, as he had a teachers in service day on Friday, but it's my final day of break. We are getting ready to start the whole race of work/life balance again come morning. I pray we do better at it this year!

Our break was excellent. We didn't do much, really. The standard catching up on those household tasks that you just never have the time for regularly (cleaning out the fridge, stove, fixing minor issues on vehicles, etc) and a trip up to Iowa for Christmas. Oh, and sleeping in. Regularly. I think the earliest we got up was 8:30! Ouch, that 6 am is going to hurt tomorrow.

And last, I'm never going to be able to sell my house now. I have too many custom pieces that were built by my father. For my birthday in 2006, he built an entertainment center. Christmas of 2007, he re-finished my family room. And then at our request, he built two closet doors that were custom sizes for our basement re-model (it was a fraction of the cost to have him build the doors than to actually buy doors the right size!) This year's custom piece is a fireplace mantle to go around the ventless electric fireplace we got for Christmas. It now graces the wall in our year old basement and warms up what had been an unusable freezer in the winter. We've now spent two nights down here just chilling. Well, not chilling so much any more.



Wonder what he'll build me next year?!

There will be day

I heard this song on the radio on my way home today and it has been with me ever since. It's by Jeremy Camp, I think it's called There Will Be a Day. The chorus says:

"There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, no more fears. There will be day when the burdens of the place will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face."

And all I can think of is the hope in that statement. The hope that all that I've been through these last few years will some day be irrevelant, the hope of things to come. The hope that some day, I will feel no more pain.

It bothers me some, that I am in this much pain, both emotionally and physically. Some part of me goes, you have the hope of Christ in your life, why are you in pain? I wonder if I am truly showing the love of Christ in my life with all my "complaining" and all of my sadness and all of my difficulty of coping. But I know that Christ never said I would never face trials, never feel pain, never experience bad things. But He did say He would be with me. In reality, things could be worse. Much worse. I realize that. It still doesn't seem to relieve the pain.

And yet, there will be a day. I know this in the deepest part of me. There will be a day.

Auto bailout

OK. So in what world does this make sense.

3 big companies in financial trouble decide to fly to the capital to ask for money. So they decide to spend $20,000 EACH flying to the capital. To ask for money. Because they are going bankrupt. And they expect me to fork over MY money to keep them afloat? Are you KIDDING me? They would have had much more credibility and much more of my support if they had flown commercial, with the regular people, rather than trying to be snobbish big wigs and fly chartered. Come ON, think about it. What does that say about your financial finesse? $20,000 to fly private as opposed to $300 to fly commercial? No wonder you are in financial trouble. Get over yourself. Fly commercial.

Sorry, that's my rant for today. I just can't believe that.