Randoms

This is basically going to a post about random thoughts and happenings over the last few days. Probably won't be all that organized because to be honest, I'm completely and thoroughly exhausted. A months worth of sleep deprivation takes it toll on you eventually.

To start, it's now official. I failed the three hour test. I have officially been diagnosed with gestational diabetes and I'm only 23 weeks. To think they don't test until 27 weeks. Again, my intuition was right. Just glad I have a doctor this time who is listening to my intuition. Just think if they wouldn't have and would have insisted on waiting until 27 weeks to test me. I'd go almost two months undiagnosed. I have my first "nutritionist" appointment the 19th. Hopefully I can get some good advice so I can start eating and feeling full again. And supposedly I'll end up with more energy as well.

I'm still having random contractions. Maybe 6 or 7 in a 24 hour period. Most likely normal, but I'll be asking. I hate contractions of any sort. After delivering prematurely due to undetermined pre-term labor just the idea of these contractions freaks me out. I just wish they would go away. I've also heard rumors, that I haven't verified with medical professionals, that GD can cause pre-term labor. Probably if not managed and not watched closely enough. Makes me wonder if the GD I had with Elisa, seeing as how I got it this time NOT on the terb, was actually there before I landed in the hospital and contributed to the start of the labor.

A friend of mine lent us her daughters winter 18-24 months clothes to help get us through the winter without purchasing a massive wardrobe (although I still bought a little too much..) and in going through it I found the same onesie, in the 24 month version, that Elisa wore on her plane trip home from Arizona!



And here she is in it. It's hard to see it under the blankets



Man that brings me back. Guess it's what I'll be putting her in on Dec 18th of this year.

We've had some beautiful weather here the last few days. Just perfect for sleeping with the windows open and spending hours outside! It's been cool enough to break out some of the winter clothes and I've been loving it! Just makes winter seem like it's just around the corner.





Elisa has two new "loves" recently. Swinging in the big girl swing and coloring. In this picture, she is so intent on swinging, even though it's putting her to sleep. Every time I asked her if she wanted to play something else, she would adamantly say "no" and "swinging!" So I kept swinging her. Finally she decided a snack was more to her liking and we avoided an early bed time.

I've used the love of coloring to my advantage recently also.



Yup, give her a piece of paper, some crayons and sit her at the table and she's ok even with her breathing treatment! Hey, whatever works.

So that's it for today. Another shot in the morning, another appointment next week and then one the week after. Seems I'll be in a lot of doctors offices between now and December. Much prefer that rather than in a NICU.

Another first

And hopefully last until the "official" trip in December.

Yup, got an impromptu tour of the Labor & Delivery ward. Around 2:30 yesterday, started having contractions, random, but would get up to 4 an hour. Finally around 6, after having drank 60 some oz of water, laying down, changing positions all to no avail, called the on call doc who advised to go ahead and come on in. Even though I wasn't at the 6 an hour threshold. So we went, got looked at and sent home.

The cause? Don't know really. I am still high and tightly closed. I had a slight temperature and even more sugar in my urine. Yet another indicator of the gestational diabetes. Love how those keep coming to smack me in the face. With the slight temperature, the nurse theorized I may have an infection and that could be causing the contractions. The contractions were more "irritations" than actual contractions too, meaning they lasted less than 40 seconds. So they sent me home after giving me a medication to calm the uterus and with advice to just keep an eye on it and come back if it got worse. Thankfully the medication did calm everything and I've not had one since I left last night.

Good to know that at least this doctor is paying attention to me and taking me seriously. Now...everything should hopefully stay calm for another 16-17 weeks!!!

23 weeks

1 week to viability!

And I made it through the 3 hour test. Although I have lingering nausea and hunger. Can't seem to eat enough to make up for the fasting. Turns out, as well, that my day yesterday did not get any better. Ended up taking Elisa to the doctor for what turned out to be a DOUBLE ear infection this time. *Sigh.* Sometimes I hate that my instincts seem to usually be right. I was almost hoping they were wrong and the doc would think I was some over anxious mom. Well, I was right in so many ways but thankfully this time we caught it before the drainage got to her lungs. Although it's close.

So today was the first time I've been able to see the new baby moving from the outside. It was rather unique watching and feeling the movements. This baby is just growing so fast and it's not even here yet.

Turn on the radio and sway to the music. With her sense of movement well developed by now, your baby can feel you dance. And now that she's more than 11 inches long and weighs just over a pound (about as much as a large mango), you may be able to see her squirm underneath your clothes. Blood vessels in her lungs are developing to prepare for breathing, and the sounds that your baby's increasingly keen ears pick up are preparing her for entry into the outside world. Loud noises that become familiar now — such as your dog barking or the roar of the vacuum cleaner — probably won't faze her when she hears them outside the womb.

One more week and we have a chance should my body decide to prematurely eject this one as well. One more week as well and I will know the results of the 3 hour test. I really hope I pass. I'm not looking forward to trying to maintain this diet for 3 more months.

Anyway, bring it! Whatever comes these next few months...bring it. I'll get through it.

Let's just say

It's not been a good day.

Yesterday was ok. Had my follow up and apparently last appointment with the peri's. Baby looked GREAT. Measured dead on but for the belly, that measured 3 weeks ahead. That was a bit too much of a difference. Tech indicated that it's a classic indicator of Gestational Diabetes. Oh yay. Cervix shortened just a tiny bit (down to 5cm) but the doctors are so not concerned as there is no other indication of a problem. It's probably within the margin of error and on top of that it is still so extremely long (twice the minimum they want to see.) that they released me from their care. Unless something happens from now on. And you never know when the cause of your premature delivery is truly undetermined pre-term labor. Good news, right? I guess. And finally, shrimp cooperated for a beauty shot.



Fast forward to today.

Elisa has been in rare form. Definitely entering the terrible twos. On top of that, she is miserable with allergies. Her poor nose is dripping like a faucet. She's decided that dripping and the associated drool since she can't breathe through her nose is "icky" and freaks whenever she gets some on her hands. She did not sleep well at ALL last night. And decided to disobey mommy and daddy when we told her NOT to stand on the furniture, did anyway and of course she fell. Resulting in one unhappy baby. I went for my weekly p17 shot to finally get confirmation of my diabetes 1 hour test to find out that I did indeed fail. So I get to return tomorrow to do the three hour. What a way to spend my mental health days off. :-/.

Strong enough

As a preemie mom friend, also going through her second pregnancy (first after her preemie) said, I have good days. And I have bad days. Not entirely unusual really, seeing as how when you've gone through something like a premature birth. Some days I just KNOW I can do this. Some days, I can't see past the day. An ache, a pain, a contraction, will freeze me in my steps and suddenly I'm paralyzed with the fear that this is IT. The beginning of the end.

Some say once I get past 26 weeks I'll be "ok." Some say 29 weeks. To be honest, I don't know if I'll ever be "ok" with pregnancy. Right now, honestly, I can't see past 26 weeks. People ask how I'm doing Physically? I'm doing great. Emotionally? Fragile. Emotionally I'm not strong enough to do this.

There is often the phrase "God gives you only what He thinks you can handle." How many times have we heard that? How many times have I said that to myself? I laugh at that right now.

Often these days, I have sleepless nights. I'm either in too much pain, physically, to fall asleep. A lot of the pain stems from the anxiety I'm feeling (and a lot of that is sub-conscious) meaning that my back and shoulders tense up so extremely tight that I'm literally almost in tears. Or I wake up multiple times at night. Sometimes because I feel a contraction. Sometimes to pee. Sometimes to hear Elisa stirring.

But one thing I've noticed. During all of these times, there is a phrase from the Matthew West song that goes around my head. Over and over. Every time I wake up I'm singing this phrase.

"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. And I don’t have to be strong enough."

I don't have to be strong enough. Regardless of what this next month, or preferably 4, holds, I don't have to be strong enough. People say I handled Elisa's well. That I'm a "strong" person. I'm not, really. The urge to cave and bury myself deep in myself was more than I showed. And right now, it's taking a lot to keep going. To keep that positive mental attitude going.

"I know I’m not strong enough to be
Everything that I’m supposed to be
I give up, I’m not strong enough
Hands of mercy won’t You cover me?
Lord, right now I’m asking You to be
Strong enough, strong enough
For the both of us"

Thankfully, God is strong enough to be strong enough for me, for my baby. For my husband and for Elisa. I don't have to carry this myself. Right now I'm too weighed down by anxiety to really feel the freedom behind this truth. I hope to be able to lay that down. I know He's strong enough. Every time I'm tested, He's shown me. I guess I'm just too afraid to be tested again.

So for now, I'll cling to that promise. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. And I don’t have to be strong enough."

Wiggle Worm

The older Elisa gets, the harder it is to capture her on film. She just won't STAND STILL long enough to get a good enough shot. Here are a few of my attempts last night, even using the multi shot feature on my camera. She just moves TOO FAST.






I'm trying to squeeze every ounce of one on one time in with her as I can these days. I know that far too quickly, my time will be taken with this new little one. I know kids adapt easily but I worry that she will feel a bit "left behind" with so much attention being shown to the new little one. I want to make sure she feels loved. I'll have to jump that hurdle in December.

She is growing far too quickly. Her vocabulary grows in leaps and bounds daily. She is mimicking almost every word we say. Makes you very careful about the words that you say. You can't even mention "thunder" and she comes running to you crying "no sunder, no sunder, otay!" Just the other day, she bumped her head, so daddy in Homer Simpson style whacked his head with his hand and said "doh!" She proceeded to copy him repeatedly.


Every day I watch her I am just in awe. It's hard to believe that we are approaching two years with her. She has amazed me in so many ways and I love her more than I can even express. Could just be because I'm pregnant and hormonal but I just watch her sometimes and want to cry. I came so close to not seeing these moments. I'm so glad I was blessed with her.

Shrimp #2 is continuing to progress. We are 22 weeks today. I had my 22 week check up yesterday with some nervousness. Seriously, I thought I was going to be sent to L&D because of some of the same sort of pain I'd been having with Elisa the week before I was admitted with her. On top of some contractions (4 over night, still not the 6-10 an hour they want you to call in but 4 compared to the one every once in a while I had been getting.) Some of the contractions I only noticed because I happened to put my hand on my belly during one and felt how hard it was. This did NOT give me comfort because I began to wonder just how many I was actually having and didn't know! So these two things put together, my doc decided to go ahead and do a cervical length check just to make sure nothing was happening. And...nothing was happening. The length had not changed since it was last checked at a little over 18 weeks. AWESOME! I am still waiting for the results of my GD test though. Hoping, really, for good news because this diabetes diet is REALLY HARD.

So. 22 weeks.



At 11 inches (the length of a spaghetti squash) and almost 1 pound, your baby is starting to look like a miniature newborn. His lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are becoming more distinct, and he's even developing tiny tooth buds beneath his gums. His eyes have formed, but his irises (the colored part of the eye) still lack pigment. If you could see inside your womb, you'd be able to spot the fine hair (lanugo) that covers his body and the deep wrinkles on his skin, which he'll sport until he adds a padding of fat to fill them in. Inside his belly, his pancreas — essential for the production of some important hormones — is developing steadily.

So far...so good. I go back next for another peri appt and to check the cervical length again and then back to my doctor for my regular check up. Looks like I'm going to every 2 weeks now. I'll take it though.

I'll leave you with this image of my goofy girl and her love of ketchup. Seriously. Give the girl ketchup and she'll eat anything.

Overwhelmed

That is how I'm feeling at the moment as I try to manage all the tasks that I need to get done to prepare for Shrimps arrival. So. I am going to take a break and update you all on Shrimp. Maybe this will help me re-focus on getting this stuff done!

21 weeks. Yup. That's today. Sad that the first thoughts that enter my mind are:
1. 3 weeks from viability outside the womb.
2. 5 weeks from when I was admitted to the hospital
3. 8 weeks from when Elisa was born.

Yeah. Kinda bothers me that I can't seem to get past those numbers. But oh well. For the most part, I'm feeling well. I'm having NORMAL pregnancy symptoms. Aches, pains already. Feeling heavy and more like "fat" than pregnant. That sounds kinda funny to say really. I saw a picture of myself at church the other day from the front and all I could think was do I really look that fat? Oh well. I'm pretty sure it's all baby weight.



We've started the stocking up on diapers process. Figure I'll get just one box of newborn size because I'm having a termie and won't need 5 months worth! If I find I need more than just the one box...I'll just go buy more. Otherwise, I'll stock up on the size 1s.

Elisa is entirely moved out of the nursery and into her big girl room. She's handled the transition very well. Slept over night in that room now for 3 nights and is only waking once. Sometimes she puts herself back to sleep, sometimes she's terrified and needs some help. Only once has she climbed out of the bed herself and made it to the door. Where she peeked around and into our room and called out to us from the baby gate there. She's eating amazingly well. Pretty soon she'll eat us out of house and home.


My secret is revealed...ketchup. Give the child ketchup and she'll eat anything....

So here's our 21 weeks update:

Your baby now weighs about three-quarters of a pound and is approximately 10 1/2 inches long — the length of a carrot. You may soon feel like she's practicing martial arts as her initial fluttering movements turn into full-fledged kicks and nudges. You may also discover a pattern to her activity as you get to know her better. In other developments, your baby's eyebrows and lids are present now, and if you're having a girl, her vagina has begun to form as well.

We asked Elisa the other night if she thought the baby in mommy's belly was a boy or a girl. She confidently exclaimed "girl!" Guess we know where her loyalties lie. We shall see. In December.